Lighting the Fire

Advice regarding love within a partnership from someone who has made no romantic relationship more than semi-permanent in life seems counter-productive. However, the point may be made that if, at a late stage of life, it can be stated that at no time during any romantic relationship has the author ever been left or abandoned by any partner, perhaps a few salient suggestions could be in order. First, the reasons for discontinuing a love relationship are legion. They range from trivial to life-threatening. That said, boredom is probably the single most prevalent reason that people stray from a committed partner and the life they have created together. Speaking personally, suffice it to say that solitude has ultimately proved to be a personally preferred way to live; however, no one may be better or more skilled at creating excitement and anticipation. One’s mind is the origination for shared fantasies. If your partner is bored, not only are you missing the point . . . if you care about the continuation of your life as it is, with the same companion, you’d better be getting to it.

We all know that routines in life are pretty much expected. Someone must keep house, service the vehicles, do the marketing, cooking, call repair companies, research the best deal on cable, lawn care (or worse yet, mow the lawn yourself each week in the summer months), garbage pickup (even worse, take rubbish to the local landfill), get the children to appointments, schedule pest control, do the laundry, get everyone off to school on time each morning in appropriate, clean clothing, with adequate supplies, and a reasonably nutritious breakfast. Shift your energy toward your career and work all day, then head home in the evening to begin the routine again. Usually, there is a dominant partner who takes on a great percentage of the above chores. This person may alternately feel like a hugely productive dynamo, or a put-upon, overworked drone or anywhere in between. And don’t even mention being taken for granted. That’s a given.

An insidious fallacy begins to work its evil within the happy framework of your life. Rather than working together, as a bonded unit . . . with shared understanding that you are discharging responsibilities presently with an eye toward fully living your lives together, just the two of you, traveling, writing, musing while on the beach gazing at a blazing sunset. When does it begin to unravel? Where was the fork in the planned path? SEE your companion. Make eye contact, touch each other. Purchase silk pillow slips, and/or sheets. Use tactile qualities as small pleasures during intimate moments together. Most couples sleep together . . . make sure that fragrances, smoothness and privacy are part of your evenings. Explore mutually desirable films, books and topics together. Discuss sensuality, what it means to each of you. Make time for each other. Cooking together is delicious . . . a truly sensual experience.

Your children are an important part of your lives. Give them the time that they deserve. Do not allow them to usurp your most intimate, personal time with your partner, or attempt to insert them into quiet time with your companion. Put them to bed at an appropriate time, and make love to each other. Take a bath or shower together, with scented soap. Wash each other’s hair, CARE about your partner’s comfort and pleasure. Have a glass of wine or a cup of tea together while discussing the news of the day.

Sexual compatibility is a combination of chemistry, focus, and imagination. Ignoring and/or eliminating any of these quenches your fire, dampens your enthusiasm for each other. Regularly rekindle the passion you felt when you were attracted in the beginning, or fail...at your own risk.