Regeneration

Defusing angry diatribes is a carefully acquired art.  Mediators, mothers, teachers, and leaders of all descriptions must arm themselves with this skill in order to step among emotional landmines with common sense and safety.  Regeneration -- of calm, order and organization, not to mention good feelings, occurs only with concentration and cooperation on the part of all concerned.

Quiet observance, coupled with aversion to rapid judgments, or simply listening with an open mind usually begins a process which evens the playing field for all participants, giving equal importance to those who have discovered that employing anger to gain a forum provides them a distinctly usable advantage.

Those who understand clearly that personal power cannot be usurped without mutual consent are fortunate; fear of losing ground or position motivates and propels even the most passive individual.  Confidence can quickly be restored by kind attention . . . just listen for a time with real intent to understand the viewpoint of another.

In other words, lose any sense of self-importance long enough to become a working part of all that is taking place; resist randomly throwing judgments around until facts are presented and considered.  Consideration of the ideas and opinions of others can never be overrated or used too often.

Disconnecting

Being alone is edifying to some, and uncomfortable for others.  Solitude can be necessary for recharging psychic 'batteries' or may create feelings of deficiency.  Bouncing ideas of self off another's presence does seem to create a certain dependency . . . who are we -- without someone else's opinion, need or judgment?

Silent connection with one's surroundings presents an alternative view of reality.  The one created for us with help from families of origin, schoolmates, community members, even immediate families . . . lends us our identities and forms the image believed to be 'us' -- which when completely alone and disconnected from its origin may not, in essence, really exist.

Aligning the inner self with 'who' we are is divinely inspired . . . some achieve this readily, while many struggle with it endlessly throughout life.  It is an inspiring journey; disquieting at times, always fascinating in its simplicity.

Resist or Repair

Stress overcomes everyone occasionally.  Resist climbing on someone else's back when it happens, more especially when that person is a lover, a friend, or a relative who had little or nothing to do with the stressor.  It's tempting to transfer anxiety or bad feelings and may relieve some immediate pressure -- while having seriously hurtful impact on that other person.  It is absolutely NOT worth it.

Just be alone with your urge to vent for a moment or two - take some time and consider the options you have -- take a walk, a quiet bath or quick shower; play some music you like, eat something delicious, make a cup of tea.  None of those activities will necessitate trying to repair damaged feelings later.

Most volatile situations are subject to resolution . . . sit down and list one or two possible solutions.  No problem improves in the midst of an angry tirade.  Credibility is a key issue when we want to be taken seriously; projecting unreasoning anger will do away with this attribute quickly.



  

New Eyes

Step right into a new world . . . take a trip, learn a song, put your feet in the ocean and open your arms to a wide horizon.  Listen to melodies you loved long ago; touch a new leaf, a silk garment, a baby's skin.  Feel a warm breeze on your skin, close your eyes and believe everything, and nothing.

Walk a nature path and hear birds and droning insects; stand by a stream and feel the rhythm of the cascading water.  This is nothing humans have created.  You are on hallowed ground, honor that.  Stones, leaves, thickets, majestic trees, lithe saplings bending in the wind.  Colors in pure form, noncontrived movement.

Look skyward and know that the air which sustains your life is part of the ultimate plan; the waters we so freely use are earth's lifeblood.  This is a joint effort, friends . . . respect its survival, yours does and will depend on this.

Stepping Out From A Front Row

A recent news story about Zelda Kaplan, who was 95 years old and still very much on the move . . . partying till the early hours, active in the fashion world, getting about the business of LIVING -- reverently observed her exit from our lives while sitting in the front row of a fashion show - quickly, dramatically and one would imagine very unexpectedly so far as she was concerned.

Her philosophy was simple - GO FOR IT. Just be happy and involved, do what you want, help others when you are able, and lighten up - sleep when you have to, eat, drink and be merry. You will be just as absent when it is over as if you enjoyed it, anyway.

Go - Zelda, no doubt you are still zazzing around wherever you have landed, and good for that. Now, for all the rest of us.

Intensity

A driving, relentless force - human intensity. Leading a fearless march into any fray . . . creating many upheavals, stealing peace.

With the 'chattering mind' always in the forefront, lists and plans drawn up, illusions abound. Absent that largely imagined strong grip on controlling circumstances (and sometimes other people) situations may go haywire, not conform to the plan, what could happen?

Relax. Something WILL happen. Go with it, extend love and acceptance, see what occurs. The world will not end. Cooperate with the universal force, reality does not disintegrate . . . in fact, there is always, sans high intensity, a possibility of improvement.

Rip it Up

The old, that is . . . these lyrics from an old rock tune have it right. Divest, get rid of outmoded ideas, draft a new plan, go for it!

As in plowing, breaking ground for a garden, turning the soil to provide air and light -- provide a healthy environment in which to grow - a better self. Invest in the future! Create a new outlook.

Do something different, even zany, each day. Challenge habitual routine, inject fun and excitement, thoughtfully observe sameness, modify and morph.

Rewards and success inevitably follow . . . so go ahead, paint a HAPPY NEW YEAR with vivid, splendid colors . . . then dive in with delicious abandon!

Music in the Mind

Remember to create musical harmony within the mind . . . notes, lyrics, melodies long forgotten which promote happy thoughts. Entertain no deficient tracks - make certain that what is heard results in joyous thanksgiving -- toward being truly, absolutely alive.

Influence of tunes on well-ordered thought is legendary. From the Madrigals to Lady Gaga, hopefulness results from loving what we hear, experiencing excitement, stimulation, motivation; insert happiness in your own head . . . deliberately using auditory excellence.

Listen to all that which inspires. Seriously choose the best music you can find. Forward motion, frame of mind, peace in the soul all may simply hinge right there.

Good Will

Generally, benevolence, kindness, an attitude of cheerfulness. Good relationships of all types . . . among individuals, communities, companies, nations. An asset always, good will creates happiness and feelings of rightness. Distributing this intangible treasure unfailingly brings peace and joy. Omitting it from our daily functioning creates atmospheres of chaos, disruption, opposition and/or angry diatribe.

First, acknowledge that it is within the power of all humans to extend and possess good will. An incomparable heritage, it has no measurable material value, yet is always considered and factored in during any business purchase or sale. At least consider making good use of it.

Sparkles & Twinkles

What is it about sparkly lights, glittering things, twinkling starlike objects? The sky with vast blanket of tiny white points of brightness . . . trees hung with blinking lights and colorful ornaments dressed in gold or silver glitter, reflecting that lively beauty everywhere. Clothing sewn or glued with shiny, reflective sequins, many-colored bits of sparky eye-catchers . . . a kind of visual excitement, instantly transporting viewers to a realm of hopefulness.

Brightness intrigues, especially in darkest moments . . . uplifting, jumpstarting the heart and mind. Observe purposefully -- lights, stars, anything at all that glitters, twinkles or shines . . . that splendid sparkle can also be seen in the eye of any beholder.

Vapidity

A fairly unusual term in common usuage at least, vapid means "lacking or having lost life, sharpness, or flavor, insipid, flat, without liveliness or spirit; dull or tedious" and is obviously a state of being which everyone has experienced at one time or another. Most think of it as 'boredom' -- flinging caution to the winds to rid themselves of it, running toward whatever pleasurable activity might (temporarily) allay its insidious ability to creep into the mind and heart.

Enlightened beings (Zen) hold that there is no such state. All is the same, it is the machinations of the mind which frame the feelings. So . . . we want peace, serenity, alignment of soul/mind/body . . . plus excitement, passion, pleasure, joy . . . conditions seemingly mutually exclusive? Pursue all at once if we dare -- conceptually impossible?

Running after something or waiting for it to come. Understanding these two oppositional ideas, learning that these are necessarily congruent, is essential wisdom.

In other words, be assured -- it's all there, all the time.

Language of the Soul

Listen to music . . . any, enjoy songs you have loved and lived to . . . download, purchase CDs, travel to a concert, play and/or sing. Visit churches, festivals, holiday gatherings. Deliberately bring music into your life, it will enhance your heart and mind. Lose any thought other than what you hear . . . become one with another reality, let it take you into another realm of being.

Rain

Something reassuring, comforting about rain. The quietly steady beat of raindrops on a roof, overcast sky like a warming blanket, seems to say 'stop, be quiet, listen and learn' the cycle of coming and going on this planet. Replenish, drink deeply and be renewed. Realize sustenance, peace, survival. As the moisture nourishes the earth, it seems to say 'feed your body and mind, be one with your space, love it, know that all is well, no human control or design required.

Dreaming Happiness

Thinking this day how sharply poignant feelings can be in a dream . . . forgotten memories stored somewhere in the psyche emerge in relaxation. Love becomes deeply important, one facet of ecstasy which must be entered unreservedly. Complete union with a loved one, contained beautifully within one space, replete with sparkly magical recall on awakening.

Beauty & Its Disguises

Brilliant colors enhance and define conceptions of our worlds - sounds spark the brain, scents delight or repel. Glittering, bright lights excite senses, warm thoughts of home, steaming mugs of hot chocolate, sweet crumbly cookies with creamy icing. Ideas attached to certain music, memories from a particular scent - vanilla, sandalwood, cedar - provide happy, secure feelings, beauty is all around, everywhere, have it!

True Importance

Importance. Evidence that we matter, that our presence is somehow integral to reality. Could that state of being not also be entered by the fact that we have merely survived the day? Simply prevailing as a living being over circumstances met and conquered?

Birthdays . . . we love to commemorate that day on which one has entered the world. Each year, celebrations occur on this day . . . usually in families the day of birth is shared by no one else within the unit. So, speciality. Anniversaries . . . those dates and times remembered as ordained and blessed connection with a loved one.

Those time-lines of continuity in our own minds serve to connect humans not simply to each other, as in families or relationships, but to all inhabitants of our world . . . even to our notions of extra-terrestrials who likely want us for all sorts of mysterious reasons.

Consignment to one or the other category – one being that place of good feelings, confidence, satisfaction, safety, security, or perhaps another space to which some of us belong – the ability, much less the willingness, to make others feel all these warm fuzzies.

And sometimes there seems to be no choice in the matter. Empathy and compassion have little to do with it. It is high monitoring, all right . . . a sentence, a destiny.

Different cultures and ways of interacting must always fascinate and intrigue us. That search for something, anything which might disintegrate all our brightly lacquered shells of illusion.

Running barefoot through wild forests and savannas. For miles, impervious to intense heat, insects, danger. Paddling silently through still bayous, a thin, narrow canoe between 20 foot alligators and oblivion. Surviving, yes . . . living to a full extent also.

Validation surely must not bestow complacency. Vesting in ourselves has to be more than feelings of security.

Loving Someone

Love. Connected to nothing else . . . not responsibility, or demand; without ropes of security thrown all about. That feeling of closeness to another's heart . . . absent expectations or envious complications.

It seems that in this pure state, all of us could immerse ourselves and be happy. Why can't we just try? Leave all thoughts of any past action or slights, imagined or otherwise . . . lack of cooperation, times when our beloved didn't 'see' us or 'hear' us . . . and simply love.

There must be some doubt that this kind of love can be real, can exist. Of course. Our love is some type of gift or blessing we bestow at will upon the object of affection? No. It isn't deserved or not. It just IS.

Let all the busy, worthless comparisons go. Let the heart rule. What we feel is what we are. Display the courage of that conviction we know to be truth. Just trust, go ahead. We do not require proof, ever. We already know.

Get on with it. If there is already someone in life who has your love . . . know it's real, know it's all right, understand that there are no conditions on it. If not, find it . . . not outside your own heart and mind, it starts there. If you cannot give it, you won't find it.

Love is all there is. Cherish and freely throw it, like caution, to any wind which blows your way. Freedom and life enhancement will surely follow.

Waking Up

Tension overload carries deadly consequences. Frequently, in a sense, we simply shut down, go into a waking sleep, and enclose ourselves in a cocoon of enforced unawareness. Constant, energy-draining concentration focused toward protecting ourselves from apprehension by avoiding stressors CAN be replaced by a strong focus on ridding ourselves of our defenses or life-long, elaborately constructed avoidance techniques. Thinking in new ways, behaving differently, or just plain facing the stressor head-on can be daunting. Meditation advocates suggest that development of quiet awareness and observation will bring the "stuffed" dread to the surface of our minds, and without putting judgments on these, or obsessing about them, we can then come from a place of presence rather than avoidance, thereby becoming able to realize the connectedness of EVERYTHING in its entirety, within any perceptually complicated system.

Tara Bennet-Goleman, in 'Emotional Alchemy' references attempts of many notable thinkers throughout history to turn base metals into gold. Her idea is that . . . in the same way, we all have the natural ability to turn our moments of confusion into insightful clarity. Meditate, feel without criticism or judgment, accept within your own skin what is real for you, outside your thinking and conditioning. After we finally understand that the origin of pain is always our desire for conditions in our lives to be different from what they are, there is a life shift, a conversion of energy from those avoidance places into true gold.

Power . . . to direct our own lives in beautiful ways. The power to come from a place of soul and mind alignment rather than adopting a one-size-fits-all defensive posture, thereby becoming a repelling magnet. An unseen, subtle time shift, and everything flows. A strong attitude of faith, at all times retaining that wispy, tiny perspective that all is just perfect, is the mechanism which changes our thoughts from having the NOTS as a part of the call-in to the universe to a call-in for joy and peace and love and beauty. And so there we are, driving down the same road as yesterday, for the brightly lucid first time.

Abusers

Magic sometimes does seem to happen with people who appear intensely passionate . . . who send flowers or gifts, and shower with attention the new acquaintance. A very special feeling may be sparked, and it can appear to be love when someone wants to know everything about another's life, likes and dislikes, travel plans, past relationships and even family. Look carefully through any such seemingly perfect veil of illusion, no matter how beautifully it may be presented.

Intimidation the method, control the ultimate goal. Abusers desperately need to be seen as powerful, as people to be reckoned with, and will go to any length to achieve this imagery. Any person who is within an abuser's life sphere is seen as property, to be manipulated in any way that the abuser sees fit.

If possible, the abuser will convince his/her target that there is no way to ever get away or escape, that the abused is being watched at all times, and is in danger of punishment if any attempt to leave should be observed by the abuser. Any hint of independence on the part of a victim is perceived as a real threat, more reason to attack.

Verbal and/or physical abuse is often followed by contrite apologies accompanied by tearful promises never to do it again . . . blame for the attack may be acknowledged, and solicitous behavior can follow, sometimes for long periods of time. Along with this behavior, the abuser will usually attempt to downplay damage caused by the abuse, denying that certain incidents occurred at all.

Any effort toward arguments, discussions, or confrontation with an abuser, even during the remorseful stages following an attack, frequently is met with deflection, denial that anything may have occurred at all, or irritability, effectively ending any meaningful interaction regarding working toward a solution. Abusers shy away from therapists unless they feel that a rapport has been established between themselves and the therapist which will exclude and blame their victims. Often a structure of misrepresentations and outright lies is fed to a counselor, who may be for a time none the wiser. This plays perfectly into the abuser's ruse, and can delay identification of the abuser as a dangerous predator. Abusers can be verbally persuasive and extremely convincing, since they appear to actually believe their own lies, and may present outrageous untruths with striking sincerity.

It is common for victims of abuse to feel powerless and vulnerable. A tactic of abusers is to belittle their victims, ridiculing and criticizing until confidence is shattered and fear replaces any survival instinct. Physical attacks may begin if verbal abuse alone does not achieve the abuser's goal of complete domination.

Love is never criticism, meanness or unpleasantness. Love does not accompany any behavior which hurts another person or animal. Making excuses for an abuser accomplishes nothing and in fact may ensure that the next (sometimes unsuspecting) victim will be injured or even perhaps killed . . . by a conflicted, insecure, unbalanced person who cannot or will not seek qualified help.

The Power of Chocolate

By this time, the positive effects of eating chocolate are pretty much known and understood by all. Serotonin levels increase in the brain, and this alone perks up response time, not to mention a fairly happy attitude about it all.

Quite a few other chemical reactions occur also . . . chocolate's ingredients include cocoa, which contains caffeine, that popular mood-booster; and a bit of tryptophan, which tends to relax and relieve developing tension. Then there are flavanoids and vitamins C, which fight free radicals, those demonic little atoms, molecules, or ions with unpaired electrons which are chemically reactive and damage healthy cells.

So . . . chocolate's benefits are long known and widely extolled. It contains high fiber, is low calorie; helps prevent inflammation, can even become helpful in relieving allergies, and is readily available. Dark chocolate has become more and more popular since a marketing campaign initiated a few years ago brought these wonderful and satisfying facts to widespread attention.

Besides, it's delicious. That slightly sweet taste with its ever-so-subtly bitter flavor wisp just flips the 'up' switch when consumed. So simple, too. Just choose from hundreds of packaged offerings . . . some imported from Germany or Ecuador, or Peru . . . places of cocoa-consumption fame, and thus exotic so far as chocolate concoctions may go.

Go ahead, do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Forget any negative thought, eat chocolate. Realize that any guilt will evaporate once it reaches one's neurological circuits, so why wait?

Just do it. Friends and family, co-workers, and even those who must come in contact with you in traffic will appreciate your dietary efforts in this regard.

Experience sublime pleasure for an instant and distribute relief at the same time.